To keep or not to keep...

If you've had the pleasure to speak with me lately...well, it may have been an unpleasurable experience. I've been a bit of a grump lately. So I'm apologizing for that right now. But! there is a good reason for my unpleasant mood. You see, my brother and I have had the shitasheous job of basically ransacking my parents house in order to get out anything we want/deserve before the gigantic estate sale in a couple of weeks.



All I have to say is thank goodness they had moved out of the house I grew up in already! Now, that would have been a really shitasheous job!! But, alas, this has been pretty miserable in itself. I just don't know what to keep vs what to get rid of. Some of you may already know that I'm not exactly a "keeper" of things. I like to throw away everything. My mother was the opposite. She was a shopper/keeper of shit. So, I'm okay with getting rid of most things, but there is this small part of me that knows she is dying? inside. I really just do not want or have room for it. Sorry mom.



And then there is the fact that my dad seems to think they he has to get rid of every.last.picture. Including all pictures of my mom, me, Grace etc. What's that about? He seems to be eradicating this family from himself. I guess I'll have to live with that. He left a folder with my name on it that had HIS WEDDING PICTURE of he and my mom, among other sentimental pictures. It makes me sad, but maybe he's wanting me to keep them safe. Who knows. It just feels...awkward and strangely disloyal.



I am trying to keep my chin up, as I say to my kids, but this extracurricular work seems to be kicking my ass! Crawling in a hole sounds kinda comforting...although I did find a diary from 1984 that made me laugh so hard I cried, which was almost worth it. But not quite.

So

My husband gets to go on a vacation with his best friend this weekend. Must be nice. Sheesh. Truth be told, I am happy for him, as he never gets to do anything fun. Unless you count working and being with me and our children.

Borrrringggg.

So, being the kind of person I am, I waited until today (he left at 2:30) to give him shit. Hey, I could been being bitchy for weeks. I'm nice.

Him: So what are you going to do this weekend?
Me: Just hangin out with the kids, AGAIN.

Now times that by about 10 and you can get a feeling for how our morning was.

He knows I am loathing, so he sent me these last night:

Duh, not helping.

hi-ho, hi-ho, to the doctor we go...

What an amzingly horrible couple of days I've been subjected to!! Now, I'm not complaining tooooo much because I have definately had worse (read: rotavirus at 9 months!!!! WORST SICKNESS TO DATE). But, my Lord. The Sickness That Has Invaded Our House. And I'm not even talking about vomit. Which everyone knows sends me right over the edge. Grace has a "bacterial throat infection." Which means, in layman's terms, that he tested for strep. Negative. He tested for Mono. Negative. Thankfuckinggod (Because I asked what that would mean and he said 2 weeks in bed...)So, the winner is the above diagnosis. Her throat looked so bad the doctor MADE me look at it. Even after I told him I didn't like that kind of thing. But he would not take no for an answer. So I looked. And people, it was sick. It looked like an explosion of pus, swelling and red dots. Which is why I didn't wanna look in the first place!!! So she gets a z-pack which is supposed to kill every bad (and prolly good) bacteria in your entire body. If this doesn't work who knows what they will do. He was pretty sure it was all related to that damn streppppppclkjdlkjfcous, or however it's spelled. Damn those strep bacteria's. They never die. Grrrrrr.....

So, of course, I had our new fine doctor peeeek inside Sydney's ears and BAM-O! double ear infection. He said they looked awful. But he didn't make me look. And she had no fever. Still hasn't. Weird, huh? So we left that fine establishment with antibiotics for all. Which is the first time they had both been on them at the same time. Lucky again.

Fast forward to today, Tuesday. Grace was feeling 90 percent better, but because of the 105 fever yesterday, I agreed to keep her home from school. Begrudingly. Kidding. I decided to send Sydney since she never had a fever. WE WERE SO SICK OF EACH OTHER. All of us. Grace was hyper/loud/jumpy/talkative. I was sooo happy she was feeling better, but, my God The Talking. And once Sydney was home from school, the talking to me shifted to the bothering of her. I'm sure it was because she was bored. But she was pissing the 2 year old off and LOVING every minute of it. I wanted to kill them both.

And then Sydney fell off a chair and damn near knocked out her teeth. It was the shit-icing on top of the vomit cake. But, alas, she was fine. Again, it could have been much worse. Of course, she talked about her boo-boo on her cheek/chin the rest of the entire night. But, hell, I don't really blame her. She gave herself one mighty fine shiner.

Bedtime, glorious bedtime. And my head is freakin' killing me (and my throat kinda hurts too...NOOOOOOO).

sad, sad, loathing, loathing

Once again I am apologizing for the tardiness of my newest post. Okay, the title isn't allll true. We're pretty crazy in the Starr family. Wade is working an ungodly amount this month and I feel so sorry for him because he comes home and literally lays on the couch without uttering a word. I think his mouth hurts from talking so damn much and his legs hurt from running around that damn gigantic restaurant. Anyway. The holiday season is shaping up as expected with me continuing to run across things that my mom gave me last Christmas and me seeing things that she would have loved. Arggggg, it sucks. I found several pictures of myself with Sydney when she was about 3 months old that my mom had taken. I can remember exactly what we were doing. I was laying on her bed laughing while she took some darling shots of us. I look at myself in those pictures and I can't help but think I look so different. I hadn't yet been subjected to the fact that I would never see her again or hear her voice or eat her pot roast. It's just a really strange feeling that's hard to describe.

I have hesitated to write about this, but those of you who know me well already know this and that is the fact that my dad has a girlfriend. It's just soooo strange. Part of me thinks it helps him get through this time but another part of me thinks he is a selfish asshole that can't even give my mom the decency of one year to wait to fill up his social calendar with another hussy women. And the last part is definitely true. He goes out with her in some capacity every night. I simply cannot wrap my brain around this. And, yes, I know, men can't do anything without a woman taking care of him, or so everyone has told me. I find it absolutely asinine that we women can excuse and justify men's behavior on a daily basis. Blah! Anywho...all I really care about is not hearing anything about wedding bells, I think that would kill me. Dead. Dunzo. Gone. My brother assures me that this will not happen so I guess I'll hold him to that! If he's wrong he can help Wade lift my lifeless body from the couch...

Things I hate about snow

Let me start off by saying that I am really not that negative (I'm sure the hubby would disagree) but there are certain things that just piss me off during this kind of weather.
1.) No school. Ok, this is a no brainer here. Our kids get serious cabin fever and if you have a 5 year old like mine (which no one does) this gives her unlimited time for "let's pretend" type games. I absolutely loathe these kind of games. Here is an example of this type of fun.
"Mom, I'm gonna be this really pretty barbie and you can be the really ugly one."
"Grace! She's not really ugly (as far as I know they haven't made the pig-face looking barbie yet)."
"OK! let's pretend that your barbie won't clean her room and the daddy gets really mad at her and she gets in a lot of trouble and then my barbie cleans her room spic-and-span (actual words here) and the daddy lets her have ice cream."
So, you see where this is going, my barbie is the stupid, shitty one and hers is the angel. Weird, I know. No, but really, private schools should NEVER be closed in my opinion. We pay enough GD money to make our own informed decision as to when it is safe to drive our adorable tots (2 freaking blocks) to school. You're not comfortable driving, good, you choose not to send your kids. Period.
2.) The fucking weathermen. Ok, seriously, do we have to watch the same shit over and over and over and over and NOT broadcast the Today Show. Really. We know. It's cold, it's icy and no one should drive. And just in case we don't get it, the wonderful ticker on the top telling us that EVERYLIVINGTHINGINTHESTATEOFOKLAHOMAISCLOSED!!!!!!!! No shit. It's the first storm of the season, everything is closed at least one day.
3.) Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Here's to cabin fever, people!

Goodbye USPO...forever!!

Why is it everytime I go to the post office there is a line a freakin' mile long? I swear to the heavens. I went in there to put some stamps on my envelopes to mail to the IRS and I stood in line for 15 minutes. in the same spot. without moving. I finally had to leave after making not one tiny step forward.

It's like the postal workers don't even notice that there are 25 people in line, 5 of them ladies over the age of 90. They just continue to talk to each other like they're on their lunch break. One woman had the nerve to actually go in the back and put the packages in the correct spot. Now, I'm all for putting the shit in the right spot, but, for God's sake, just put it on that little ledge behind you until the line dies down. And then there was the guy who hogged one postal worker for the entire 15 minutes that I was there. Oh, boy, they were having a gay old time just chatting about how much this versus that would cost and while you're at it, how much would this be? It was ridiculous.

And it happens EVERY time I step foot in there. I just slapped a whole bunch of stamps on the damn envelopes and flew to pick Grace up at school. I'm officially done!!!!!!!!!

The Labors of Labor Day

Let's all spell it together T-E-E-T-H-I-N-G. I have to admit, I would secretly scoff at the moms who complained about their children cutting teeth. I would think to myself, "oh, it can't be that bad" or "it's just an excuse for their babies being soooo grumpy." But people, I eat my words. And I rarely do that. This baby has never had so much saliva in her entire life. But, see, that's the good part. She is so utterly pissy that I can barely stand to be in the same room with her. Apart from her getting upset from everything to not being able to turn pages fast enough or the dog barely tapping her precious little shoulder, she can't eat. You people that know Sydney know this it the equivalent of me finding out that the DVR didn't tape Big Brother. This has sent her over the edge. If it has any texture to it, she bawls. I've had to feed her malt-o-meal for every meal the last 2 days. And this is very upsetting for the rest of the family as well. Gone are the days of semi-peaceful meals where my biggest issue was not being able to feed her fast enough. She just sits in her highchair and screams. Snacks for appeasement are gone for now. And I really feel sorry for her because I know it must really hurt. But she's KILLING ME!! a slow and very painful death. If you ever find out that you only have an hour to live, come to my house for that hour and I promise it will feel LIKE FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!

So unfortunately, our Labor Day sucked which pisses me off because Wade actually had 2 days off in a row (kinda) and they were spent running around trying to make the baby happy which was a goal unreachable...that is, until the sweet time of 7pm when I lay her down and just walk away. That was my favorite part of Labor Day. Sad, no?

How was your Labor Day? Was it filled with peaceful playing and laughing children?

the bain of my existence

My life is fairly boring right now so I really have nothing interesting to say... 4th of July would have been awesome if it hadn't rained so I only have 2 pictures from the pool (which Blogger refuses to upload! wooo!!) It was definately the strangest 4th I've ever celebrated...dinner with the hens, cocks (minus Wade) and chicks was fun, too bad no one took pictures of the 2 tables of people that we brought to that poor unsuspecting restaurant. The kids were GREAT! Seeing that they had already been swimming for a couple of hours and then were forced to get out of the pool, they were all on their best behavior and ate really well too! Fireworks: darn it, missed 'em again! Someone asked Grace today if she saw the fireworks last night and I heard her say, "ours were cancelled!" The little girl looked at me like, "huh", and I started laughing hysterically. I feel pretty confident that she won't be in therapy later in life because her mom wouldn't let her watch fireworks as a kid. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure I'm doing something to her that is therapy-worthy, but, lord, not that!

SHE REALLY HATED US

I found this on my old babysitters myspace blog! OH MY GOD!!!!!!! She really hated us! I want to know why!!!!!! Can anyone extract any hidden meaning in these words? Besides the fact that she is F***ING FREAK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"What I was trying to blog last week was that I had my last day of work with one of the families. The last day was with the Starr Family. Thank God it was not with the Loftis Family. If it was with the Loftis', I would be horribly upset right now. Anyway, so back to the Starr Family. It feels really good to not work for them anymore. I feel at peace. I also have freedom. I started working with the Starr's back in January. A couple of months went by, and I was getting a sense that I was not supposed to be working for this family anymore. I worked for a good family, but there was just something deep down in me that kept telling me that this was not the place for me. Anyway, so the door opened for me to have my last day of work with this family as of last Thursday. There were numerous reasons why this door opened. For instance, there are 3 straight weeks that I would not be babysitting for this family. Also, the schedule with the Loftis' will be changing in August which would affect the family. Of course, with all of this change comes the gap and starting back over in square one. Yep, here I am once again on the same path/cycle of looking for a part-time job that will meet the needs of the schedule, the income, etc. Of course, it sets me back with some goals. Okay, my random thought right now is that this is not setting me back. I am moving forward. Through God's Help, God is moving me forward. Wow! It feels really good to hear that God is moving me forward. I trust God for what He is going to do with me and in me.

Also, lately, I have been on a journey of self-discovery. The self-discovery of my heart. Also, it has been a self-discovery of The Truth vs. The Lies. The Good vs. The Evil. I have been able to distquinsh lately the lies that attack me or others vs. truth. The Enemy wants to steal, kill, and destroy. God wants to give us life. I am learning and processing so many things right now. It is a bit overwhelming, but it is so good for me. Also, I can relate so well with the picture of the Yo-Yo that was described on Sunday.

I also had something in my blog about relationships. I am not able to expand on this topic right now because my mind and heart is still processing the thoughts. What I can tell you is that they have been hard. At all levels, relationships have been very difficult. I know that relationships are important to me. I know I am wanting a balance. I know I am wanting support. I know I am wanting life to flow from relationships. All I know is that I feel as if I haven't been getting a healthy balance in any of the previous areas I mentioned. The word respect entered the mind. Well, one day I will expand on this topic. In the meantime, Blessings to All and Much Love."

me+hubs+2kids+2 airplanes=very low expectations

Yes, it's true. We are going on our annual vacation this Tuesday. We are going to San Diego to visit my bestest friend and enjoy the amazing weather and unbelievable sites. While I know we are going to have fun I also know that getting there is such a pain in the ass. Not to mention the 2 hour time difference that puts Sydney waking up in the morning at 5am. wow. And she doesn't watch t.v. yet. double wow. We never took any far away vacations when Grace was a baby so I have very low expectations for this one. Anyone have any ideas? She'll be ready for her morning nap before the sun rises. Sheesh! Someone pray for me.

So, with that being said, I will not be posting this week. I am sure everyone is bawling right now thinking about that one. Sorry. But you know I'll have some interesting fodder for the next post. Y'all take care now, ya here.

On a small side note, tomorrow would have been my mom's 64th birthday, so we decided to celebrate that by going to Woodward! Probably her least favorite place in the whole world. My grandad (dad's dad) and uncle live there and we are going to have a gay 'ole time. Yippee for me!

where, oh where did my little life go...

This parenthood thing is crazy. Today I was thinking about old times with the hubs, you know, before we were married, our wedding month, honeymoon etc. It's amazing what different people we are today. I could talk endlessly about this, but really, do you even remember how easy life was before kids. No, this is not a rant about how I wish I hadn't had kids, it's just a simple memory game. My biggest daily concern back then was what I was going to have for dinner (which is still one of my biggest daily concerns, but for very different reasons) and what I was going to do (or not do) on the weekend. Now, maybe my memory is all skewed, but, what in the hell did I do all those years? I remember that I worked full time, but that was a piece of freakin' cake compared to this (except for the dead man I had to see, don't ask, it's really too weird). There were no early mornings, no lunches to make, no cartoons, no naps, no playdates, no activities, no games to play, no barbies, no dress up, no pretending, no 5:00 o'clock meltdowns, no bedtime battles, no nothing! What the hell did I do? Please, y'all help me remember!! And why didn't somebody SHAKE ME and tell me how easy my life was. I remember people who had kids that I worked with and not once did they shake me. Not once did they look at me and say, "what the hell do you do all weekend?" Not once did they say, "Pssst...no matter what anyone says, it's really kinda hard and half the time really shitty." Not once did they say, " can I trade places with you?"
Now that I'm thinking this through (sorry you have to be with me for that) I really wouldn't want to trade places with the young punks I know either. I mean really. The lack of purpose and utter non-responsibility is almost a bore.

Well, maybe just for one teeny tiny day.