woe is me...

So, lately I have had the pleasure of assisting in the representation of juveniles that have the shittiest parents on earth. I simply do not understand the reasoning behind bringing into the world a child or children and deciding to do everything in your power to make sure that have no chance in hell of growing up to be a decent person. Wow. Now that was a run on sentence. There are two twin boys in particular that I have developed a bond with. They are locked up for an assault and battery(unrelated to said shitty dad) and I firmly believe that their actions were the result of self-defense. Oh I know all you naysayers out there (cough,bubby, cough, Wade, cough) think I am a naive bleeding heart that would believe anything told to me. Not true I say. I did my homework. I read the police reports, spoke with the kids, spoke with the dad! etc etc. Now I am not going to get into particulars here for various reasons but while speaking with the kids (age 14) they discussed with me the fact that there dad is a raging alcoholic (he really doesn't drink that much just EVERY DAY ALL DAY) and that yea, he used to beat them to a bloody pulp around the age of 5 on (no but really he loves us and is SUCH a good dad). This is the kind of deluded thinking I am dealing with here. After I lifted my chin off of the table I attempted to discuss ways in which they could begin to turn there life around. Mind you I do believe this can happen but I can't help but worry (and worry I will!) that these darling boys are eternally screwed. This is there only role model. Mom relinquished parental rights at their very unimportant age of 3 because she was/is addicted to meth (but it's just a "small drug problem"). I want to cry, I want to open my home and wallet to help. I know I cannot and will not do this but REALLY is anyone surprised that these boys have selected this path of self-destruction and poor choices.

So fast forward to this afternoon in the car with Grace. She was asking me if I ever dream about her and I replied, "Oh yes all the time." She says, "well what do I do in your dream" to which I reply, "Oh, your a good girl..." She says, "wouldn't that be funny if in your dream I was being a bad girl," and I say, "well, if you were being a bad girl I guess I would have to spank your bottom in my dream," to which she throws her head back and laughs uncontrollably for a good 2 minutes, "you are the funniest mom in the whole world!" Funny because this child has never been spanked in her entire life for anything. For me, spanking simply takes care of the parents immediate anger and I don't see how the child can learn the consequence from the mistake, instead, I believe, they then fear the spank and lose sight of the original or subsequent problem. Make sense? Anywho, this is not a debate or discussion about spanking, it is about an important and heartbreaking fact that these boys would never, will never, find what my darling daughter thought was so funny about that dream.

Sigh.....

And this is where my job starts to suck...

Ok, I'm kidding about it sucking, I still LOVE it, but yesterday I had to talk to a 16 year old boy who had beat his 33 day old baby so hard it landed her in ICU for many weeks. To the point where the doctors thought she wouldn't make it. Yeah. Nice. The most unbelievable part was the fact that he is absolutely denying it claiming that it had to be his mother. All the evidence points to him (you know, his confession to the cops) and the fact that there is no way she could have done this to herself (his initial response). It is just so f*cking sad, people! I talked to him for about an hour yesterday and he is one of this people that has absolutely NO remorse whatsoever and all he cares about is getting out of detention (he's been in there 99 days). I tried everything to get him to take responsibility for this, but it was like talking to Ted Bundy. Cold, callous and downright scary.

His court date was yesterday to determine what the judge was going to do with him. He already plead guilty about a month ago, but claims it was only to get a lighter sentence. He wanted to be put on probation and released to his grandmother (who is a complete f*cking idiot) and then get treatment in the community. He was SO POSITIVE that the judge was going to let him go home even after I repeatedly told him that I felt he was being overly optimistic. He didn't believe me. Unfortunately for him, the judge placed him in the custody of Oklahoma Juvenile Affairs where he will remain in custody at an inpatient treatment center until he is 20. He was not a happy camper. Me on the other hand, a little happy. And no I don't think this kind of a thing makes me unable to do my job properly. I am simply there to get information and then discuss it with the lawyer. I don't have to stand up and defend him. Thank God for that.

Oh and by the way, his baby is in foster care now and the state is attempting to terminate his parental rights in April. Heavy shit.

Sorry it has taken me so long to put up a new post, but my week has been sooooo busy. As most of you know I started work this week. WEEEEEEE!! I was very worried last week just because I wasn't really sure exactly what I would be doing and then add to that my fear that I was doing the wrong thing (you know, the mommy guilt). But now that I have worked 2 days, my fears are all but gone. I LOOOVVVVEEE IT! I know, I'm weird, I'm making less per hour than my "nanny". Please don't do the math, it's embarrassing. But the work itself is exactly what I had hoped. My official title that I wear on the badge around my neck is "forensic interviewer" which I thought sounded pretty cool and also slightly intimidating because I've never actually been trained in interviewing, per se (although I've done more of it than almost anything). So anyway, blah, blah, blah...What I am doing specifically is working with the public defenders interviewing their clients and their parents before their preliminary hearing. I try to get as much information about them as to aid in their defense. Get it? Any-the-who the work is soooo interesting and frustrating all at the same time. Most of the kids I am working with are in the juvenile detention, which is basically kiddie jail, but once I am in the courtroom the lawyer puts me to work, meeting with the kids and their family members. Plus, I spend 90% of my day in court, which everyone knows is my FAVORITE thing.
Sigh.
I'm so tired though. The work is intense and by the time I get home my legs feel like they are going to fall off my body. Hopefully I'll get used to that soon. You will not find me complaining however. It's so refreshing to think that I am actually putting to good use my training and education! FINALLY! Okay, enough about all that!

The girls are fantastic and as far as I can tell haven't been affected by the slight change in the routine. Although, my first day of work Sydney kept saying, "BYE" to me at least 30 minutes before I left. True, it could be her crazy psychic ability, but I really think it's because I was dressed with shoes on as opposed to my robe and slippers. She's a weird one though. Oh, and she's on a break from that walking thing. Who-da-thought. Two steps and she's done. Grace is also doing well although she did get put in time out at ballet the other day for laughing. I'm sure it won't be the last time as I remember continually getting in trouble at school for too much talking AND my mom used to as well. She really doesn't stand a chance.

Have a great week.
I'm praying for you Merle.

For some of you that are wondering the interview went grrrreat! I met with the public defender on Wednesday to talk about where they could use me and he came up with occasional part time work at the Juvenile Center on Classen and 57th. They seem to be having problems getting those kids to open up and talk about their lives. Imagine that. Most of these kids have been abused and/or neglected their entire lives and can't trust a flea. I don't know if I can make any head way, but surely I'm better suited than some underpaid lawyers. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure they are pretty good at what they do, but trying to get an adolescent to talk is hard under the best of circumstances. So we'll see. I'm supposed to call him back on Monday to find out the final word. Again, wish me luck. I have never worked with kids (except my own, who are on the opposite spectrum of abused/neglected) and from everyone I've talked to, they are by far the toughest population because they feel invincible and haven't fully grasped consequences. So there you go! I'm way excited to put my skills to use. Let's just hope I don't screw them up more!

Now onto the fireball, aka Sydney Robin. She's killing me. Jamie, help me out here. How old was Max when he went through that phase where all he did was cry/whine/grunt/moan? I remember asking you at the time what was wrong with him and you mentioned that he was going through a phase. And then I slightly remembered those random obnoxious phases that they go through. So anyway, she's definately going through something. It's like she is happy one minute playing and then she'll just be furious and start bawling/screaming. I know I need to practice patience but since I waited so long between kids I have competely forgotten all the little phases and quirks that go along with it. Blah. Blah. Blah. Boring fodder for all of you. I need to just get over it!

Life may be a changin'

Sorry to say that, no, I have not found the thingy and am decidedly blaming someone else for the loss. I have looked in all my favorite hiding spots to no avail. I am sorry Brooke, but I guess you'll have to truck your ass back to Oklahoma to see that baby. Or maybe Ashli will one day get a computer.

Annnnyway, it's time for this monotonous mother to make a change. And that is coming in the way of employment. Like a job. Yep, it's time to get my juices flowing again and enter the world of work. Call me crazy, but I actually have a higher education that I spent tons of money on, only for me to sit on my ass (ok, I'm usually on my feet, but you get what I'm saying) and let all those skills go to waste. I actually have an interview with someone next week were I will beg and plead him to hire me part-time...I will definitely give details next week if I get the job.

Are you wondering why I would do such a thing? I'll tell you, plain and simple: I'm bored out of my everylivingmind!!!!!!!!! I love my kids, but now that Grace has started school, I find my self slightly lonely. I asked myself what is so different about this year seeing that Grace went to full-time pre-k last year. And then it dawned on me: I don't have my mom to hang out with. She would always come over, hang out, make lunch or Syd and I would go over there for chatting. I've got to get out of this house and do something that I enjoy so I can then come home to my children and enjoy and appreciate them as well.

No, I don't know if it is the right decision. But if I don't see what's out there I feel like I will regret it down the line.

Wish me luck!
And Happy Labor Day weekend!