Wednesday, May 24, 2006

grumpy

Today is one of those days. Do you ever just realize in the middle of breakfast that you are just grumpy and can't shake it. It makes me mad because I have an awesome life, good kids, sweet husband but there is just this underlying feeling of grumpiness. There are a few factors that could be lending itself to this:
1). School is officially out at 11:15 on Thursday. This is the first summer that we don't have a consistent school schedule to fall back on. Last summer we had Mother's Day Out and I only had to worry about 3 weeks in August. Sure, we have camps lined up, 2 vacation tentatively in the works, but I have this feeling of uneasiness. I know things will be fine, but right this second I am feeling extreme anxiety. I will admit that I am spoiled about my time. I like the idea that on days that I have a babysitter (for the baby) that I can just go hang out at Starbucks by myself. I'm selfish like that.
2). Money: we are tight right now. Wade says, "we are cash poor but real estate rich." Okay, that doesn't help us too much when its time to pay the bills. Which I feel like I do everyday! If I were to disclose how much our monthly bills were you people (all 2 of you) would fall off your computer chairs and have to be resuscitated back to life. Yea, so that makes those tentative trips scheduled for this summer look farther and farther from reality.
3). Anxiety- I can feel it creeping back into my life and I really, really, really don't want to get back on medication. When I got off of my anti-depressant in February the withdrawal symptoms were AWFUL! You are probably wondering why in the world I would get off the medication the month after my mom died, but I was on it for postpartum (or to ward it off). And I've been good for the most part, oh, and I don't want to gain that weight back. I know it's vain, but I can't wrap my brain around getting fat and not really even eating that much. It's just stupid. If I'm gonna get fat I at least want to enjoy the food part.

So that's how I am feeling today and I'm sure tomorrow will be better, it usually is! Just gotta breathe!!

8 comments:

brooke said...

I've been there Ginny. Tomorrow will be more manageable. I'm sure of it!

ashli said...

Been there and oh, wait I think I might still be right there with you! LOL! It'll be better tommorow! Love You!

lcmossman said...

We all get the funk. Chin up...things will get better. We missed you at coffee last night!

Keithclan said...

Alright, let's go back on anti-depressants together, shall we? Or shall I say anti-anxiety, because I believe the clinical term for the way I have been feeling is "ape shit". i don't want to see myself as a loon who requires meds just to live the day to day, but I also don't want to be remembered as the btch mother who yells all the time. Anyway, you show me your bills and I'll show you my income, and we can fall out of our chairs together.

ginny said...

Jamie, I am peeing in my pants laughing right now (which isn't that suprising given the lack of kegel exercises). See, all I need are you sweet girls to cheer me up. Thanks!

Anonymous said...

Okay- first of all, to Jamie's comment- girl, for what you've got going on, you REALLY hold it all together incredibly well, regardless of what things are like when you're at home all alone with your clan. And Ginny, I read this entry earlier and did not have time to comment because I was having a really grumpy afternoon, so my heart went out to you. but we can't let the little moments get us down when we look at all of our funny, sweet kids who are THRIVING! I can't think of Grace without thinking of her spitball quirky personality- what a strong spirit, and Sydney will be just like her in a totally different way. The days are long, but the years are short. -Camille

Anonymous said...

I thought you seemed a little blue yesterday. I'm sort of glad to know you weren't mad at me. lol!
Seriously, this happens to everybody and after going what we've been through the past couple of months, it's not surprising that we have these moments/days of incredible emptiness (even though our lives are full) that set the stage for a grumpy day.
Try and find comfort that your feelings are part of the "normal" human condition and that you are able to experience the variety of emotions that have been bestowed upon all of us.
I will always be there for you, Wade, Grace and The Crusher. All you need do is ask.
Love,
Bubby

Anne said...

oh man, I think we have all been there, Ginny. In fact I am still there. Hi how're you doin?!