Saturday, May 13, 2006

Mother's Day

Dear mom,
So much has changed since you've been gone. Sydney is now crawling like crazy and just about to pull up. I remember the last thing she was doing before you left was the "airplane" on her stomach. You thought that was hilarious. She is really cute but definitely a brute. Grace celebrated her 5th birthday, but other than that, is about the same. Still the bubbly, funny girl you knew. She still gets her feelings her a lot though. She is constantly reminding me that you are in heaven with God. Suprisingly, she has never shed a tear and is very matter-of-fact when she talks about you. But I know she thinks about you often just by the sheer number of times she mentions you. It's her way.
Life really isn't the same without you. When I go out to dinner with daddy dad and bubby we have nothing to talk about. We just sort of stare at one another under the glare of this dull, slightly annoying silence peppered with meaningless conversation. I hope that goes away soon. You were definitely the glue that held this family together. You know dad is the same. He still seems tired all the time, but he is checking his blood sugar every day. Bubby is probably the best he's ever been. He quit smoking!!OH MY GOD!! He is still with Wally (much to dads chagrin) and they are going on 5 months which, as you know, is a record for him recently. He is finally in a better mood which is nice. Wade is doing great. He's getting ready to open 2 new restaurants. I'm sure you would be worried about him overextending himself, but it's Wade. The Deep Fork Grill still misses all your PR-- we've seen a dip in sales--just kidding. And then there is me. I really am doing ok. I've lost 16 pounds but am still smoking (sorry!) I'm going to get hypnotized in September though. It's really hard for me to go over to your house still. We don't really do dinner like we used to. When we do go over there, daddy dad and Grace still go upstairs and leave me downstairs with the baby. That's when we used to chat and fix dinner, taking turns holding her. Now when they go upstairs I think of how lonely I am without you and wish I could just CALL YOU. It's very frustrating and heartbreaking and maddening.
I know I am the luckiest daughter in the world for the time we shared. It certainly doesn't make things like Mother's Day any easier. Hopefully the first one will be the hardest, although I'm not really convinced that is true.
Love you till I see you,


ashli said...

Ginny- My thoughts and prayers are with you on this especially hard day! Just know that we love you and are thinking of you.

Anne said...

Ginny, I lost my father coming on two years next weekend and it still really hurts. When one is close to a parent there is no worse pain and sense of loss when they are gone. Im sorry for yours but I can totally relate to it. Hope your own Mother's Day was sweet despite missing a very poignant part of it.

Anonymous said...

Ginny, I'm sitting here on the day after mother's day reading your latest post and weeping in my coffee. I thought about you all day yesterday and hoped you were doing ok. I hope you know how unbelievably lucky you are to have had such a wonderful relationship with your mother and how that has shaped who you are. I know your mother was the glue that held your family together but as long as we've been friends I've admired your family, all of them, and I know you are all going to eventually find a way to relate to each other in a way that is different than it was with Carol here, but unique and fullfilling in its own way. You are loved by many...especially me! Meredith

Anonymous said...

My heart is in my throat, as it is every time I think of the unimaginable loss you've suffered, Ginny. I can't imagine it because I don't have a close relationship with anyone involved in my upbringing- not all that uncommon these days. You're so blessed to have loved and been loved that way- your girls will feel it every day in the mother that you are to them, all because of what your mom taught you. Circle of life!! Love you- Camille

Anonymous said...


You are the love of my life. I have read this now ten times. Simply put, the most heart wrenching thing I have ever read in my life. I have that song by Satchel, "Suffering," reeling in my head. just so damn hard, when I am a "fixer," yet there isn't shit I can do. We will get through this; I promise. I would leave Chicago again in a heartbeat. I would follow to the ends of the earth.
"Listen to an angel sing, listen to the joy she brings..."