Saturday, May 13, 2006
So much has changed since you've been gone. Sydney is now crawling like crazy and just about to pull up. I remember the last thing she was doing before you left was the "airplane" on her stomach. You thought that was hilarious. She is really cute but definitely a brute. Grace celebrated her 5th birthday, but other than that, is about the same. Still the bubbly, funny girl you knew. She still gets her feelings her a lot though. She is constantly reminding me that you are in heaven with God. Suprisingly, she has never shed a tear and is very matter-of-fact when she talks about you. But I know she thinks about you often just by the sheer number of times she mentions you. It's her way.
Life really isn't the same without you. When I go out to dinner with daddy dad and bubby we have nothing to talk about. We just sort of stare at one another under the glare of this dull, slightly annoying silence peppered with meaningless conversation. I hope that goes away soon. You were definitely the glue that held this family together. You know dad is the same. He still seems tired all the time, but he is checking his blood sugar every day. Bubby is probably the best he's ever been. He quit smoking!!OH MY GOD!! He is still with Wally (much to dads chagrin) and they are going on 5 months which, as you know, is a record for him recently. He is finally in a better mood which is nice. Wade is doing great. He's getting ready to open 2 new restaurants. I'm sure you would be worried about him overextending himself, but it's Wade. The Deep Fork Grill still misses all your PR-- we've seen a dip in sales--just kidding. And then there is me. I really am doing ok. I've lost 16 pounds but am still smoking (sorry!) I'm going to get hypnotized in September though. It's really hard for me to go over to your house still. We don't really do dinner like we used to. When we do go over there, daddy dad and Grace still go upstairs and leave me downstairs with the baby. That's when we used to chat and fix dinner, taking turns holding her. Now when they go upstairs I think of how lonely I am without you and wish I could just CALL YOU. It's very frustrating and heartbreaking and maddening.
I know I am the luckiest daughter in the world for the time we shared. It certainly doesn't make things like Mother's Day any easier. Hopefully the first one will be the hardest, although I'm not really convinced that is true.
Love you till I see you,