Sunday, June 04, 2006

I hate church

Because it reminds me too much of my mom.

No, really, I love my church. Sure, it may be a little on the conservative side, but the people there are truly amazing. Our pastor, Father Bright is one bitchin' dude. He has 5 boys age 8-22. I think he may have Jamie beat. Imagine 5 Max's running around the house and now teenagers! You gotta love that guy. Anyway, it's just sooo depressing to go to church. I used to look forward to it. Kids in sunday school and mom and I hanging out talking and writing notes during church. It was kind of ridiculous. We talked on the phone/saw each other all the time, but somehow we still had so much to talk about at church of all places. I remember people sort of shooting us looks and me always telling my mom "shhhhh" because she couldn't hear all that well and so her whispers were like my normal voice. Now all the prayers and hymns just remind me of mom. I've been going to that church since my birth ( I took many years off when I wasn't living here, obviously) so it's no wonder that it reminds me of her.

And another thing. The strangest thing keeps happening to me. I keep almost calling her. I don't actually pick the phone up, but in my head I say, "gotta call mom and tell her _______" It's really bothering me! Why do I keep doing that? I started volunteering at the Remarkable Shop again on Thursday and right when I got in my car I had the overwhelming feeling to call her because I always called her once I got in my car. Weird? Annoying? Yes to both.

I'm trying to stay positive and find the good in situations so I've come up with one: the people at church are able to hear the sermon better now! Ah, who cares about them anyway!

6 comments:

Anne said...

The same thing used to happen to me, the instinctual want to call my Dad. And then the pounding realization before pressing the send button that in fact I could not call him. It just takes more time...it's breaking that habit. It's such a sad little habit to break too. With me, I am forever learning something new and thinking, "Damn, I need to talk to my Dad about that." and then realizing that I can't so then my next thought is always, "Damn, i wish I could talk to Dad about that." sigh.

Keithclan said...

I think that it is amazing that you had such a great relationship with your mom. I hope it doesn't sound morbid, but that is what I am shooting for with my kiddos, especially my girlies! Not the missing me part, but the REALLY talking to each other part and the REALLY knowing each other part. Okay, I'm tearing up you bitch! So I will end this by telling you if you ever want to come over and bring some pics and make a slideshow, I would be more than happy to help. It might be nice to have to watch when you miss her most.

brooke said...

Ginny - I think you're the only person I know that talks to her mom as much as I do. I probably talk to her 3 or 4 times today. We are not as close as you and your mom were, but it's a habit, and nice to always have someone to call to talk to about humdrum things. :)

ashli said...

Gin Gin! That just plain sucks! You know you can call any of us anytime, but it is just not the same I know! Just that instinct to need your mom never really leaves, even with age. Being a mom makes you need her more sometimes, especially for the little silly things. With time I know it will get better and church will probably never be the same, but will get easier for you I hope! Love You!

Anonymous said...

Ok Ginny,
I officially have 2 seconds to myself to read your blog. Wesley is outside by himself probably getting into all sorts of trouble and Ava is sleeping. She officially has colic I think. Anyway, enough about me...this is your blog. You have a lot to be sad about with the loss of your mom- she was an amazing woman. I am so sad that Sydney won't have a chance to have known her and I hope Grace will remember the time she had with her. I know this is stuff you think about all the time. I'm sad she's gone too. Love you, Meredith

owlhaven said...

Sorry.....that must be tough...

Mary, mom to many